


House on Slumber Party Hill

by SophiaHawkins



Category: Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28876713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaHawkins/pseuds/SophiaHawkins
Summary: Dr. Scratchansniff planned to take the Warner siblings on a vacation for some peace and quiet, but the Warners themselves, as well as some unexpected guests from Acme Acres, and an escaped killer, threw a big wrench into that plan.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

House on Slumber Party Hill

It was night at the Warner Brothers movie lot, everybody had gone home for the night, everything had been shut down, everything was dark and quiet as far as the eye could see...except in the water tower.

"Oh boy! Oh boy!" Dot exclaimed as she and her brothers each collectively jumped up and down on their own bunk, somehow managing to avoid hitting their heads on the tops of the bunk above them, "A vacation!"

"Wahoo!" Wakko exclaimed as he jumped high enough on the top bunk to hit the ceiling, it didn't deter him as he slammed back down on his bed for a landing.

"Yeah," Yakko added as the three of them, regardless of their differences in size, height and the space they had to move, jumped in perfect unison on three levels, "It was real swell of the doc to rent a house for us to stay at for 2 weeks."

"Yeah, but does he have to stay with us?" Dot asked.

"Apparently, it was the only way the CEO would okay our leaving. We leave first thing in the morning," Yakko told the others, "Scratchy said we're hitting the road as soon as the sun comes up."

"What if it rains?" Wakko thought to ask.

"Have you been hanging out with that rat in the next cartoon?" Yakko stopped jumping momentarily and squinted one eye quizzically as he looked up towards his brother's bed.

From the corner where the scene ended, a voice called back, "We are _not_ rats, we are mice."

"Sorry, Brain!" Yakko called back.

"That's better," the voice responded.

"This is so exciting!" Dot said as she jumped harder and kicked her legs out to the sides in perfect splits, "Two weeks on vacation...I hope we're not bored."

The door of the water tower opened up and Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff appeared as he told the Warners, "To bed wit zu already, we leave first ting in de morning!"

"Awwww!" the Warner siblings whined as they stopped jumping and assumed the pouty face position.

"Don't 'awww' me," the psychiatrist told them, "We have to be on ze road at dawn's crack."

"Mmmwah!" Wakko blew a kiss, "goodnight everybody!"

"That's _my_ line," Yakko said, and thought to add, "And that didn't even call for it."

"Off to bed vitz all of you," Scratchansniff told them as he motioned them off their bunks and towards the bathroom, "brush your teeths, vash behind your years, say your prayers, do vhatever it is you do before going to bed, and go-to-sleep!"

"But we're too excited to sleep," Wakko insisted.

"That's right," Dot said, "we'll be up allllllll night."

"No-no-no," the psychiatrist shook his head, "That von't vork, you von't be up on time tomorrow and ve'll be late."

"No we won't," the Warners insisted.

"We promise," Dot added.

"We'll be there before Dawn puts on her pants," Wakko said.

"Oh boy," Yakko gave a small roll of his eyes.

After 20 minutes of coaxing, Dr. Scratchansniff finally got the three siblings into their beds, tucked in for the night, turned out the light and left the water tower.

All was quiet until they were sure he was out of earshot, then they busted out from the covers and started jumping on their beds again in excitement for the next day. Then suddenly all three bunk beds collapsed on top of one another, and all three Warners found themselves in the giant hole of Wakko's bed which was pancaked on top of the others.

"Oops," was all Wakko had to say on the subject.

Yakko thought for a moment, and he got an idea.

* * *

Dr. Scratchansniff had just gone to bed himself when he heard somebody banging on his front door. He pulled himself out of bed, put his glasses on and staggered out to the living room, turning on the lights as he went, before opening the door to see who it was. He definitely was not expecting the three Warners to be on his doorstep, and all three of them rushed in as soon as the door was open.

"Vhat is going on?" he demanded to know.

"We're too excited to sleep," Dot said as they started jumping on the three cushions of his couch.

"And this way we'll be ready to leave as soon as you get up in the morning," Yakko added.

"If you get up," Dot added.

"If you go to bed," Wakko finished.

"Cool setup you got here," Yakko reached down and grabbed the remote, "Do you get cable? Pay-per-view? How about those late night channels with the snow and lines going through them?"

"Can we get a pizza?" Dot asked.

"You got any Burpa-cola in the fridge?" Wakko asked.

Otto sighed and murmured to himself as he staggered back to his bedroom, "Ze things I do for love."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Dr. Scratchansniff made sure the Warners had their breakfast, then spent 20 minutes chasing them around the car before he finally got them inside, and hit the road. The morning was spent in anything but quiet as the three siblings alternated between fighting with one another, singing anything and everything that either came on the radio or into their heads, on and off and very off-key, and playing their own version of license plate bingo which involved malleting somebody with every turn.

"You kids are going to drive me crazy," he said as he tried to keep his attention on the road. "Yakko, you come up here and sit in front vith me."

"Okay!" Yakko hopped over the seats and crash landed in the passenger side.

"Put on your seat belt," the doctor told him.

"You got it, Scratchy," Yakko saluted as he reached over and grabbed the shoulder strap and connected it.

"Now put on de other one."

"My you're picky," Yakko said as he pulled the lap belt over and connected it too.

Without the three of them crowded together, Dr. Scratchansniff was starting to think they might have a little peace and quiet, but that idea quickly went out the window as Yakko started fiddling with the radio knobs and found a rock station and cranked it up to top volume, so the whole car shook and vibrated with the bass.

"TURN THAT DOWN!" he yelled to be heard over the ruckus.

"Oh, sorry!" Yakko sarcastically replied as he turned the knob back, then found something else to occupy his time. A few seconds later Dr. Scratchansniff found himself being thrown back in his seat, followed by Dot yelling at the top of her lungs, "GET OFF! YOU'RE SQUASHING ME!" Then he found himself jerking forward and almost slamming into the steering wheel, then felt his seat being raised and his head starting to collide with the car roof, and he yelled at his passenger, "Yakko, _stop playing vith the power seat controls_!"

"Oops, sorry, Scratchy," Yakko said with an innocent smile as he adjusted the doctor's seat back to its proper position.

"Are we there yet?" Wakko asked.

"No," Otto answered.

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Now?" he climbed on top of the seat to hover over the doctor like a vulture, a vulture with its tongue sticking out to the side.

"No!" Otto told him.

"Are we there yet?"

"SHUT UP!" Yakko and Dot told him.

"Sheesh, I was just asking," Wakko said as he climbed back down.

"Yakko, trade places vith your brother, Vakko, you sit up here beside me."

"Okay."

The two brothers struggled and squirmed and argued as they tried to climb over the seat to switch places, finally Yakko got in the back with Dot and Wakko sat up front with the doctor, but he looked over and saw Wakko had gotten himself strapped in upside down.

"Vakko, sit up right."

"Okay." Working the belts loose, Wakko climbed back up in his seat and raised up on his legs with his arms held out in front of him like paws and panted like a dog, and let out a shrill bark.

"Sit down and put on your safety belt!" Dr. Scratchansniff told him.

"Why didn't you say so?" Wakko asked. "Can I turn on the radio?"

"Alvight, but no rock stations," the psychiatrist answered.

Wakko turned both knobs at the same time so the sound and frequency both jumped all over the place, before finally settling on a station giving the news.

_"We interrupt this program to bring you this special bulletin; a psychotic killer has escaped from the state maximum security prison. The raving maniac, who is responsible for the brutal murders of a dozen people, has been described as a lanky man with straggly hair and a pasty complexion..."_

The radio clicked as Dr. Scratchansniff reached over and shut it off.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that," Wakko said, "I want to see how it ended."

"That vasn't a radio program, it vas the news," the doctor explained, "You don't need to hear it, it vill give you nightmares."

"No it won't, I promise," Wakko said hopefully.

"Alvight then, I don't need it giving you ideas," the doctor replied.

Wakko pouted and sunk back down in his seat.

"Zis is going to be a good ting for you children," Dr. Scratchansniff said, "Get away from it all, miles from anyone, fresh country air...makes you sleep like a baby."

* * *

The Warner siblings stood around the couch in the rental house's living room and looked at Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff who was curled on his side and snoring away.

Yakko gestured with his thumb towards the doc and commented, "The voice of experience."

"Shh!" Dot chided, "Don't wake the baby!"

Yakko pointed towards the door and whispered, "Come on, let's go."

He and Dot ran out first, Wakko stayed behind a second and asked, "What baby?", then followed after them.

As far as the eye could see there was nothing but grass and trees and blue sky and dirt paths to hike on.

"So what'll we do for 2 whole weeks?" Dot asked.

"Ahhhhhh," Yakko had just started to say, when all three of them picked up on a strange sound. They looked around and their eyes got wide as they saw the ground being upturned in a straight line leading right towards them. They all stood back, not sure what to expect, when suddenly the ground was broken through and up popped-

"Hey!" Babs Bunny said as she looked around, "This isn't the Acme Multiplex." She squinted her eyes in a scowl and looked around and called out, "BUS-TER!"

The ground beside her cracked but all that came up was a pained groan as her traveling companion met with a large rock blocking his exit. Babs yelped as her burrow got crowded and hopped out of the ground and looked as Buster popped up, rubbing his head.

"Babs! Buster!" Dot exclaimed.

"No relation," the two rabbits said as Buster finally set foot on level ground.

"Hey guys," Buster said, then looked around and saw where they were, "Hey, what're you guys doing here?"

"We're on vacation," Dot answered.

"What're you doing here?" Yakko asked.

"Apparently we took a wrong turn," Buster commented.

"I _told_ you," Babs sniped.

"So I was wrong, it can happen," Buster replied.

"How'd you guys get here?" Babs asked.

"Ol' Scratchy brought us here," Wakko answered.

Busted turned one way, and then the other, and groaned, "Oh man, we're so far out of Acme Acres, we won't get back before dark."

"No problem," Yakko said, "you guys can stay here, Scratchy won't mind a couple more house guests. I'd stake my good name on it."

Babs crinkled up her nose and asked him, " _What_ good name?"

Yakko scowled towards the 4th wall and said, "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Scratchy..."

"Doc..."

"HEY SCRATCHY, RISE AND SHINE!"

"Ahhh!" Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff yelped as he was drawn out of his slumber. He looked up and saw five faces staring down at him and he freaked out.

"Oh no! Zhey're multiplying!" he exclaimed.

"Well math _is_ a rabbit's best subject," Buster offered.

"Hey Scratchy," Yakko said, "these are our friends from Acme Acres, Buster and Babs Bunny."

"No relation," the two rabbits offered.

"They're kind of stuck here till tomorrow, is it okay if they stay with us?" Yakko asked.

"Huh?" the doctor asked, feeling very confused.

"Good!" Dot exclaimed, "Now that that's settled, when do we eat?"

"Vhat?" Otto asked as he sat up and looked at the toon rabbits, "Dem? S-shtay here?"

"Oh gee that's swell, Dr. Scratchy," Buster said as he took the doc's hand in both of his own and rapidly shook it, "You're a pal and a half, you know that? Put her there, put her there."

After Buster about shook the doctor's arm clear out of its socket, he stepped aside, and Babs came up, and made a little curtsy and said, "Charmed, I'm sure," and giggled mischievously.

"Okay, Scratchy, we got it from here," Yakko said, "you go back to sleep."

"Bye!" the five toons said as they raced out of the living room.

Dr. Scratchansniff sat there for a moment in silent confusion, finally asking, "Vhat vas dat?" But he was too exhausted from the morning trip to ponder it long as he yawned and fell back asleep.

* * *

"Looks like these will come in handy after all," Yakko said as he took a bag of carrots out of the fridge that Dr. Scratchansniff had put away with the rest of the groceries.

"Thanks, Yakko," Buster said as he and Babs took a couple and started munching on them.

"So what're you guys going to do here for a vacation for two whole weeks?" Babs asked.

"I don't know," Dot shrugged.

"It's gonna be weird not having Ralph to chase us around for that long," Wakko said.

"Weird? You?" Babs asked, and added sarcastically, "Nooooo!"

"Well I got an idea for lunch," Yakko said, "how about a weenie roast and s'mores?"

"Sounds good to me," Buster replied.

"Me too!" Babs agreed.

"But where?" they asked in unison.

"I'm thinking," Yakko said as he looked out the back window, "There's nobody around here for miles...and there's nothing out there but a lot of dirt and rocks...we could make our own fire pit."

"Sounds fun to me," Dot said.

"Yeah, when do we start?" Babs wanted to know.

* * *

Getting the fire pit dug and gathering the rocks around it was the easy part. So was gathering enough twigs broken off the trees to start a fire. Then it came down to the issue of who would start the fire. Wakko was _very_ eager to light it, which had Yakko responding, "As curious as I've always been if there's life after death, I'm gonna have to pass on that."

So instead Yakko went about lighting the fire while Dot, Babs and Buster collectively sat on Wakko to keep him from breaking loose and storming over to the fire pit and trying it himself, and it wasn't an easy job. The three toons put their weight together to hold Wakko down, but he still struggled and fought and writhed around under them to try and break loose.

Buster gritted his teeth and called over to Yakko, "Hurry up, we can't hold him much longer!"

"Almost got it!" Yakko called back as he used a blowtorch to speed up the process.

Wakko managed to throw the others off of him and scurried off along the ground, but the others grabbed him by the legs to hold him back, he kicked his legs high in the air for a few seconds before he realized he wasn't making any headway, so instead he tried to pull himself along on his hands and moved them so quickly they spun around in a little cyclone, and when the dust cleared they saw he'd dug a hole in the ground and all the upturned dirt was in a huge pile beside him.

"Whoops," he said with a goofy grin as he hanged there, suspended by the others, "I think I'm turning into a rabbit."

"You got the burrowing part down alright," Buster said as the three of them dropped him on the ground.

"Okay, that's taken care of," Yakko said as he put the blowtorch in his pocket and it disappeared.

The five of them yelped and whooped and cheered as they hopped and danced around the fire pit as the flames grew, having so much fun being together that they were completely unaware they were being watched.

* * *

"This has been so much fun," Babs said as they sat the table eating the dinner Dr. Scratchansniff had made for them.

"Yeah," Buster agreed, "It's too bad our friends couldn't be here too."

"That could be arranged," Dot suggested.

"Yeah, how 'bout it, Scratchy?" Yakko asked, "Could they come?"

Otto was flabbergasted by this question and stammered a bit before asking, "How many friends are dere?"

"Mainly just Plucky Duck and Hamton Pig," Buster answered, "the girls are away at camp right now."

"Vell, I don't know," the doctor scratched his head, "It's a long vays for them."

"We could drive over and pick them up," Yakko offered.

"I am not going all ze way to Acme Acres tonight, Yakko."

"No problem, _I_ could drive," Yakko said.

"You don't know how to drive, Yakko," Dr. Scratchansniff pointed out.

"That's okay, I never let that stop me before," he replied without missing a beat and a nonchalant smile on his face.

"Vhat?"

"Never mind."

"I know," Babs said, "they could come the way we did, the tunnel's already dug."

"Yeah, they'd get here before sundown at that rate," Buster said. "Whadda ya say sir?"

"PLLLEEEEEAAAASE?" the five toons asked as they clasped their hands together pleadingly.

"Oh alvight, alvight," the doctor said as he pushed his chair back, "But I must ask that you _don't_ veck da house, and don't keep me avake, I'm exhausted after being on the road all day, and I need to vest."

"No problem, Scratchy," Yakko said, "you'll never even know we're here."

"Alright!" Buster pushed his chair back, "Where's the phone?"

"Over there," Wakko pointed to the wall.

Buster ran over and grabbed the receiver and dialed. "Hey Plucky, wait'll you hear where Babs and I are...we're with the Warners...no, they're on vacation at this house at..." he turned and asked, "What's the address here anyway?"

"114 Left Side Drive," Dot answered.

Buster relayed the address and told Plucky, "Get Hamton and come on over...we're staying the night, it's gonna be a blast! Just go over to my place, hop down the hole and follow the tunnel. You can't miss it."

"What'd he say?" Babs asked when he hung up.

"A few things I can't repeat for our rating," Buster answered, "but he's coming." He turned to Yakko and asked, "Is the doc gonna be a problem?"

"Not at all," Yakko shook his head, "I got these babies."

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a set of Acme Super Duper ear plugs.

"Ooh!" Babs awed over them, "how convenient!"

"Yeah, but Yak, how well do they work?" Buster asked.

"One way to find out," the eldest Warner answered.

The five of them crept into Dr. Scratchansniff's bedroom where he was already in bed snoring like a freight train. Yakko tiptoped up to the bed and very carefully stuck the plugs in the doctor's ears, then yelled directly at him, "HEY SCRATCHY, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"

Nothing.

"Alright!"

"Hold it, let's give it a _real_ test," Yakko said as he reached out of frame, picked up his little brother, stood him right by the bed, and pulled out a two liter bottle of Burpa-cola and told him, "Go to work."

Wakko's eyes got big in excitement and he guzzled down the soda until the bottle was empty. There was a rumbling in his stomach, then he tipped his head back and belted out the largest belch anybody had ever hood, loud enough that the entire house shook like there was an earthquake.

"Barf-o-rama!" Babs exclaimed in disgust when everything finally stopped shaking.

The doctor stayed asleep in the bed.

"Alright! Now we can really get this party started!" Yakko said as they ran out of the doc's bedroom. At the last second he reached back in, shut off the light and pulled the door shut behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't see him anywhere," Buster said as he skidded down the incline for a dirt path and stopped right beside Yakko out in the back yard.

"Ah geez, he's gotta be here somewhere," Yakko said as he turned around and looked at the quickly darkening environment. "Wakko!"

"Wakko!" Buster whistled like he was calling a dog, "Here boy! Here boy!"

"This doesn't make any sense," Yakko said as the two of them circled around the house, "he's got to be around here some-"

They passed by the brightly lit window of Dot's bedroom and heard the high pitched giggles of her and Babs from inside.

"That doesn't sound good," Buster commented.

They grabbed hold of the window ledge and pulled themselves up to look inside, and both of their eyes bugged out to three times the size of their heads.

Inside the room, Babs and Dot were laughing and gabbing while Wakko lay on his stomach between them on the floor, drumming his fingers against the floor, with a hopeless look in his eyes as he lay there still wearing his red cap and blue shirt, but also wearing a purple and white dress the girls were pinning the skirt on. To make his expression all the bleaker, he wore a pronounced pout which at that time was covered with dark red lipstick.

"Help," he said dryly, as if he was drained of all energy to fight.

"What are you _doing_?" Buster demanded to know as he and Yakko stormed in through the window.

"We needed a model to see how it'd look," Babs answered without missing a beat.

"Isn't he the cutest thing?" Dot asked with a huge grin on her face.

"For crying out loud," Yakko said as he grabbed Wakko and pulled him to his feet, "You okay, Wakko?"

"I feel very strange, Yakko," the middle Warner answered in the same dry, drained tone, "...and not so fresh either."

That earned him an elbow pressed against his lips as Yakko put his hand by his mouth and warned under his breath, "We don't have time for another 'goodnight everyone'." In a normal tone he added, "Alright, get out of that ridiculous getup." He picked his younger brother up by the shoulders and shook him until he fell out of the dress and landed on the floor.

"What's the big idea?" Yakko demanded to know.

"Oh come on, he was grossing me out," Dot replied.

"Yeah well that's enough of that," he said firmly.

"Oh yeah?" Babs asked as she pressed herself against him and stood on her toes to tower in his face, "Says who?"

"Me, because I'm the oldest," Yakko answered.

"What do you mean oldest?" Babs asked in disbelief, "You guys spun off from us after three years."

Yakko leaned in close to her with a loud, "SHHHH!", and raised his hand to the side of his mouth again and murmured to her, "Don't tell the viewers that, they don't remember."

Oh."

Wakko wiped the lipstick off on his sleeve and asked, "Where is everybody?"

"Hmm, that's right," Buster said, "Plucky and Hamton should've been here by now. Come on, let's go check the tunnel."

* * *

"Anything?" Yakko asked as the bunnies tunneled down for a better look.

"No sign of anybody yet," Buster called as he and Babs emerged. "Knowing that duck, he probably blew off the whole idea because he didn't wanna tunnel."

"We already did all the burrowing," Babs pointed out.

"Eh," Buster shrugged, "never could figure that duck out." He sighed. "No matter, we'll have a great time without them. And since the doc could currently sleep through a tornado, we might as well make the most of it."

Buster pulled out a ghetto blaster and turned on a station with some lively music and the toons started dancing. When one song switched to another more suitable for couples' dancing, Buster danced with Dot, and Babs danced with Yakko.

"You know, we ought to do this more often," Babs commented, "It's kind of fun to get away from Acme Acres once in a while."

"Yeah, this will really make the old water tower feel homey when we get back," Yakko responded.

Yakko's eyes bugged out when he felt something tapping him on the shoulder, he turned his head and saw Wakko standing behind him, who asked, "Can I cut in?"

"Sure!" Babs answered as she traded partners and the two of them joined hands and march-walked in a sideways line several feet before she spun him around.

"Some girls got it, some don't," Dot offered as she and Buster spun around.

"You're sure light on your feet, Dot," Buster noted.

"Oh!" Babs called over, "And I'm _not_?"

"Eh," Buster made a wry look and said, "That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, I'm light on _your_ feet too," she replied with a knowing giggle.

"Heh?" he looked down and saw her black and white feet standing on top of his blue and white ones.

"Well?" Dot asked, "How'd you think I was your height? Toon logic only goes so far."

Yakko waited until Babs and Wakko headed his way again and asked, "Mind if I cut in?"

"Not at all," Wakko said, and broke away from Babs to dance with his brother instead, leaving Babs in the middle of the yard with a dumbstruck look on her face towards the 4th wall.

"Brothers," Dot offered from where she was dancing with Buster, "Go fig, am I right?"

"Oh yeah," Babs nodded, "I've got 30 of them at home, and they're all the same."

"Got room for one more?" Dot asked as she pointed to Wakko.

The music suddenly stopped, breaking up everybody's fun, and an announcer's voice came on.

_"We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin. Local police are advising citizens in the tri-county area to stay in their homes and lock their doors, and to report any suspicious persons, following the escape of a homicidal madman from the state prison early this morning."_

"Oh goodie, it's the radio program we were listening to in the car," Wakko said.

Buster and Babs looked at each other with grim expressions on their faces as they asked in unison, "Homicidal madman?"

_"Yes,"_ the radio announcer replied, _"a homicidal madman who brutally murdered a dozen victims before his imprisonment. Police believe the psychotic killer may be returning to the scene of his first crime, a 2 story clapboard house at 114 Left Side Drive."_

"You don't say," Dot dryly commented.

_"I_ _do_ _say,"_ the announcer remarked, _"Citizens are warned to be on the lookout for a tall lanky man with straggly hair and a pasty complexion. If you see him, call 555-51..."_

The radio went dead.

"Well isn't _that_ convenient?" Dot asked in a deadpan tone.

"A psychotic killer, here?" Buster asked. He looked to the Warners and said, "You heard that this morning?"

"Only part of it, then Scratchy killed the radio," Wakko answered.

"He could be here by now," Buster said, his eyes wide with fear.

Babs looked around at the vast landscape and said, "He could be anywhere out there, watching us...waiting to strike."

A sudden noise had all of them jumping and screaming before they realized it was someone coming up through the tunnel. Buster pulled out a flashlight and shone it on the tunnel so they could see what it was.

"Whew!" Plucky said as he surfaced, "That nearly killed me!"

"Plucky!?" Babs said in disbelief.

"Yeah?" he squinted one eye at them, "Who were you expecting, Mel Gibson?"

"Don't I wish?" Dot sighed.

Plucky came up out of the hole, and a few seconds Hamton surfaced as well. "Hey guys, sorry we're late, we took a wrong turn by the movie theater."

"Oh boy am I glad to see you guys," Buster said as he lowered the flashlight, starting to breathe heavily, "we gotta get out of here."

"Hold it right there, bub!" Plucky said, "I've been tunneling for over two hours, I'm not going _anywhere_."

"They just said on the radio that an escaped murderer's heading this way," Babs told him.

The green duck stood there almost frozen for a minute, then finally his trance-like state broke and he said only, "See you back home," and made a dive for the hole.

"Hold it," Yakko grabbed him before he could plunge in. "Nobody's going anywhere."

"That's what you think," Plucky told him, "Watch me."

Yakko put the brakes on that, and told the others, "Alright, so there's a guy out there who's probably chopped a dozen bodies up into tiny little pieces, is that any reason to panic?"

"Yes!" the other six toons answered.

"Just checking," Yakko replied. As the others moved to bolt, he hollered at them, "WAIT!" Everybody froze in mid-move and mid-air, and he looked at them all sternly and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Yeah, I left my flame thrower at home," Plucky said cynically.

"No!" Yakko told them, "We're toons, furthermore we're the good guys, nothing bad _ever_ happens to us!"

"Speak for yourself, bub," Plucky replied, "I'm checking out."

"Hold it, Plucky," Buster grabbed him by the back of his shirt, "Yakko might be onto something."

"Why of course I am, even if I'm not I am!" Yakko insisted. "We're toons! We have every weapon conceivable at our immediate disposal, so all we gotta do is use them. What homicidal lunatic could stand up against anvils and mallets?"

"He does make a good point," Hamton mentioned to Plucky.

"Oh yeah!" Babs added, "Gee, it's been so long since we've actually done that routine..." she looked at Buster uncertainly, "I guess we got a little rusty on it."

Buster's eyebrows knotted together as this started to dawn on him too, "Hey yeah, anymore it just seems like we just spend a whole episode running from whoever's chasing us...I wonder why that is?"

"Probably those cranky parent groups complaining about violence on cartoons," Dot offered, "that's why we're limited to only malleting people in self defense."

"Gee, I hope our arsenal abilities still work," Buster said.

"Just stick with us," Dot said, "we're experts in this field."

"Yeah," Wakko said as he took out his gag bag and started sorting through it. He took out a piano, a rhinoceros, a potted palm tree, a jackhammer, an ice cream machine, and finally produced half a dozen mallets.

"Plenty for everyone!" he exclaimed joyously.

"Well, this makes me feel a little better," Buster said as they each took one, "but I still wouldn't want to run into that guy in the dark."

"Then what're we doing out _here_ in the dark?" Babs asked. "Let's go inside."

"Good idea, we can barricade the doors," Plucky said as he started pushing on the rhino's hind end trying to get it to move, "How do you work this thing?"

"I'm telling you guys," Yakko said as he tested his mallet by hitting it against the open palm of his other hand, "we're perfectly safe, we got nothing to worry about."

Buster looked at him skeptically and asked, "Would you be willing to bet your life on that?"

"Ab-so-lutely," Yakko answered proudly.

A sudden and strange noise from somewhere nearby had everybody's eyes big and bulging and they all shook with terror.

"But with someone else's money," Yakko added in mostly the same tone as his previous statement, "Let's go!"

Everybody took off running and screaming as a few seconds later a tall figure stepped out from the bushes wearing a hockey mask, a tattered jacket and a red baseball cap.

"YOWWWWWW!" Plucky screamed, "It's him again!" and took off running at double speed.

The seven toons took off running with the maniac behind them, they ran out of the scene, then a second later the killer ran back into the scene and over to the other side as the Tiny Toons and the Animaniacs chased after him wielding their mallets. They just made it out of scene when they doubled back running in terror again as he came back wielding a blaring chainsaw. The eight of them just exited the scene, when the maniac came back again running the other way as he was now chased by seven toons also wielding chainsaws. This came slightly more naturally to the Warners, Babs and Buster and their friends brought up the rear.

"Charge!" Buster announced and they picked up the speed chasing him out of the scene.

A few seconds later they all came running back again, still carrying the chainsaws, all of them screaming in panic as he chased after them again, this time carrying an even bigger chainsaw. He chased them out of the scene, and screamed a few seconds later as he doubled back, this time being chased by the toons who had gotten rid of their chainsaws and opted for more 'practical' weapons. Yakko had the blowtorch again and sent long flames shooting right up behind the seat of the killer's pants, Dot had a machine gun and was opening fire at him, Wakko was charging towards him with a giant weed whacker.

"Excuse me," Plucky tapped him on the shoulder and they momentarily dropped out of the chase, "But just what good is _that_ gonna do?"

"I'm gonna give him a haircut he'll never forget," Wakko answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Plucky rolled his eyes to look towards the 4th wall and dryly said, "Of _course_ , stupid _me_!"

"Alright, hold it!" Buster put up his hands to command their attention, "Now this has gone on long enough. It's time to end these silly kid games...let's break out the heavy artillery!"

"Right!"

Babs ducked down and shot back up wearing a camouflage helmet and brandishing an M24 German stick grenade. She pulled the cord and yelled out "ACHTUNG!" as she gave it a wind up, and a pitch. It landed right on the killer's head as it exploded.

"Guess it wasn't an automatic," Dot commented, then looked to the 4th wall and said, "Obscure reference, ask your British neighbors."

The smoke cleared and the killer was still on his feet, his clothes and mask all black and singed as he wobbled from one side to the other before falling flat on the ground, causing a small 'thud'.

"Alright!" Buster cheered as they gathered around the maniac.

Plucky let out a set of short, nervous, half laughs as he tiptoed over to the lunatic and said, feigning bravery and failing miserably, "I guess we showed him."

" _Weeeeeee_?" everybody crowded around him and looked at him with big skeptical eyes.

The green duck shrugged and silently backed up.

"Uh...I hate to ruin the mood," Hamton said timidly, "but does anybody remember that unwritten rule about horror movies?"

"What?" Dot asked.

"Oh...you know...the one where you..." Hamton yelled so loud he was lifted off his feet and his eyes were squeezed shut as he told them, "DON'T STAND OVER THE KILLER UNLESS YOU'RE SURE HE'S DEAD!"

At the last syllable the tall psychopath sprang to his feet, causing everybody to scream and they took off running again.

The chase detoured into the house, in a row everybody ran through the living room, the dining room, into the doctor's bedroom, where he still lay on the bed turned on his side sawing logs, the ear plugs making him peacefully oblivious to what was going on as everybody ran one way, then the other, then back again, and doubled around, all the while the killer chased after them with a roaring chainsaw swiping every which way but somehow missing everything.

Everyone ran back out into the hall and split up, going in different doors, Dot and Babs on one side, Yakko and Buster on the other, Wakko, Hamton and Plucky through the door behind them. The killer ran into the door Yakko and Buster had gone through, and as soon as it slammed, the guys came out of the girls' room and ran across the hall to the room Wakko was in and slammed it behind them. The killer came out of Yakko's room and went across the hall to the girls' bedroom.

"YAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Babs hollered as she and Dot scurried across the hall to Yakko's bedroom and slammed the door.

The girls' door opened and the killer ran across the hall to Wakko's room and slammed the door behind him. All seven of the toons came out of the girls' room and took off running, followed a few seconds later by the psychopath.

"Here bunny bunnies!" he called tauntingly as he chased after them.

The Warners put on their brakes and noisily skidded to a stop in the middle of the room and turned around to face the killer, who had also yielded.

"Hold it right there, I want to get something straight before we go any further," Yakko announced, and the three of them in unison raised their arms to their chests as he explained, "We are _not_ rabbits."

"Uh...dogs?" the killer asked.

"Nope, try again," Dot said.

"Cats?"

"Wrong again," Wakko replied.

The killer scratched his head as he thought and offered, "Marsupials?"

"Not even close," Yakko shook his head.

"Platypuses?"

"Still wrong," Dot told him.

"Mmmmm...I give up."

"We're the Warner Brothers!"

"And the Warner Sister," Dot added.

"Now there's no need to despair," Yakko said as he lightly shoved the killer over to the center of the floor, "Even though you didn't win the grand prize, there is still a chance for you to win a wonderful consolation prize, all you have to do is say the secret word."

"What's the secret word?" he asked.

"Yes," Dot said.

"Yes?"

Bells and buzzers sounded as Yakko said, "You said the secret word! That means the Wakko comes down and hits you on the head."

Wakko swooped down on a rope and hit the killer square on the head with an extra large mallet so he pancaked on the floor.

"Thank you for playing our guessing game," Yakko said, "We now return to your previously scheduled program."

They all took off with a whoosh, it was a minute before the killer could get back to his original condition, but once he did, he was off and running after them again.

He'd just jumped off the porch when a set of headlights blinded him and he was promptly run over by Dr. Scratchansniff's car.

"No no no, Wakko," Yakko said as he moved the gearshift, "You pulled up too far."

"Oh!"

"Here, we'll put in reverse and back up."

He moved the gear from 'D' to 'R' and Wakko buried the accelerator to the floor, the tires squealed and kicked up dirt a second before backing up and running over the killer again.

"Gotta do something about those speed bumps out here," Yakko said as they put the car in park and got out.

"Now there's a joke that hasn't seen the light of day since the Roadrunner cartoons," Yakko commented.

The killer suddenly popped to his feet and was grunting and growling as he stared at them through the black eye holes in his hockey mask.

"Maybe for good reason," Yakko added as he grabbed his little brother and ran off.

They'd just disappeared around the side of the house, and the killer was about to follow them when he was stopped short.

Buster was at the forefront now in a tuxedo jacket with tails and carrying a conductor's wand as he announced, "It's that time again folks, yes, time for Classical Music Theatre."

"Heh?" the killer asked.

"That's right, Classical Music Theatre, and today we will be covering the Anvil Chorus, composed by the late, the legendary, Giuseppe Fortunino Francesco Verdi."

"Educational reference, make your teachers proud," Dot addressed the 4th wall.

Buster cleared his throat and started waving his arms around conducting as the others hummed the tune, which was promptly accompanied by anvils dropping out of the sky, one by one, all landing on the killer's head, and each one was accompanied by the Warners and the Tiny Toons whacking on them with hammers, causing an intense vibration in his ears. It carried on like this for two whole minutes until the song finally ended.

"Every good show needs to go out with a bang," Yakko said as he handed the killer a large stick of dynamite that the fuse was lit and sparking on.

There was a deafening KABOOM! as the TNT exploded, revealing the killer was once again charred black and half of his mask was a black melted mess, after a few seconds of just standing there rigid, he fell flat on his back with a more pronounced 'thud'.

Red and blue lights flashed as a police car rolled up and two uniformed officers stepped out. The one who'd been driving said with a slightly Irish accent, "Alright, folks, that's enough, the airport's been calling to complain about the noise."

The killer pulled himself to his feet and all but threw himself in the officers' arms as he told them, rambling behind his mask, "Put me back in prison, get me away from those kids, I can't stand this! I confess! I did it! Even if I didn't, I did it, just take me away, lock me up and throw away the key! Just get me away from them!"

The two officers shrugged cluelessly, but put him in the backseat of the car and drove off.

"Bye bye!" everybody waved as the police car disappeared in the distance. Everybody whooped and cheered and joined hands and jumped up and down.

"Boy, that was great!" Babs said.

"Yeah, that's about all the excitement I can take for one night," Plucky commented a little less enthusiastically.

"Me too, and I'm starving," Hamton said, "Fear makes me hungry."

"Come on, let's get something to eat," Yakko pointed the way as they headed to the house.

* * *

"Mmmm-MM!" Buster said as he dropped the bone from the rib he'd just eaten, "That was de-licious."

"I'll say," Hamton agreed.

There was a pile of dirty dishes in the middle of the kitchen table that everybody decided would keep until morning. It was a safe bet the doctor would have to go grocery shopping tomorrow, they'd eaten about everything in the fridge except a quart of milk, a pack of eggs, and the box of baking soda in the back.

"Oh boy, after that, I'm ready for some shuteye," Plucky said.

"Hey look," Buster said, "it's almost morning, the sun will be up soon."

"Well I've got an idea," Yakko said, twirling Scratchansniff's key ring on his finger, "Why don't we get you guys dropped off at Acme Acres now and then we'll come back and hit the hay?"

"I don't know what good that'd do, but okay," Wakko said as he started punching a pile of hay with both fists.

Dot and Yakko exchanged a look, and Yakko told her, "Don't look at me, he's _your_ brother."

Dot turned to the 4th wall with her lips pursed together in a wry expression.

"We can't do that," Buster said, "We don't know how to drive."

"Don't worry, we do it all the time," Yakko said.

"Huh, I guess the network's not as worried about you guys being good role models to the kids watching," Babs commented.

"They locked us in a water tower for 60 years, what do you think?" Dot asked.

"Alright, let's go," Yakko said, "I'm driving."

"I call shotgun!" Wakko exclaimed.

"No, _I_ got the shotgun," Dot said as she held up a double barreled 12 gauge.

Babs looked to the 4th wall and added, "More stuff they wouldn't let us do in _our_ time slot."

Everybody piled into the doctor's car, Yakko started it up and pulled out of there, and in a few minutes they were on the main road.

"Can I turn on the radio?" Wakko asked.

"NO!" everybody answered.

"Sheesh, I was just asking."

* * *

"Home sweet home," Buster said as he and his friends got out of the car. They were only a few blocks from his and Babs' holes in the ground, a couple blocks another direction from Hamton's home, and Plucky was catching a cab to his home down on the waterfront. "Thanks for the ride, Yakko!"

"Yeah, thanks for inviting us out," Babs added, "We had a great time!"

"Oh yeah, terrific," Plucky dryly replied.

"Let's do it again sometime," Hamton said, and added with a slight stutter, "W-when there aren't any escaped maniacs running around."

"I take offense at that," Yakko said.

"You take offense at what?" Buster asked.

"I _am_ an escaped maniac."

"Me too," Dot added.

"Me three," Wakko said.

"Him more than most," Dot pointed to her brother.

"See ya round, guys!" Babs waved.

"Bye!" Dot waved out the window with both hands as Yakko put the car in reverse, did a U-turn, and sped haphazardly back to their rental house.

* * *

When Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff woke up the next morning, the sun was shining, the birds outside were chirping, and he felt completely relaxed and well rested. He stretched and listened to a few things creak and pop, went into the bathroom for a shower and shave, changed into a fresh set of clothes, and headed out to the kitchen to make breakfast. On the way he stopped suddenly in the living room at a surprising sight.

Yakko was sprawled across the couch in the living room, snoring heavily, as were his siblings, who were piled on top of him, Dot lay crosswise over the top of Yakko's head, and Wakko lay curled up in the gap between Yakko's knees, all of them snoring in unison and dead to the world.

Dr. Scratchansniff smiled satisfactorily and said to himself, "I told dem dis vould be a great experience for dem, this fresh country air makes zem sleep like babies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'obscure reference' is for the 'Bambi' episode of the 80s UK show "The Young Ones".


End file.
